Totally Tone Deaf

I am so tone deaf that even the first lessons in the beginner courses are waaaay beyond me. Any advice for what to do / where to start if I can't even match a single note?

Good question, Danny! Online lessons do assume that you're able to match pitch. I'd recommend you spend some time working on pitch matching (and ear training) alone before you dive into vocal technique. 

Have you checked out any ear training apps? 

I recommend SingTrue for a good system to follow: http://singtrue.co/. You can also download apps like PerfectPitch or SingSharp for free and practice your pitch matching. 

 Thank you. 

You're welcome, Danny!